The Sun 'Can And Does' Come From Behind The Clouds !

OK! So I have an appointment with my surgeons nurse an hour away in Springfield at 9 AM! I've arranged a ride from the FRTA and they send me a service that picks me up in a new looking Oldsmobile CTS...Lemme tell ya, it was some snazzy smooth ride ! 


I was going to hear about whether or not I was going to have surgery soon in style! We got there in good shape and I met with Mary the nurse (who I like very much) and she took my blood pressure, it was really good...even a bit low compared to what I'd been getting for results recently.

 She said my vitals looked good, and that I was doing well...I asked her about the "new" aneurysm that they found in  the last CAT Scan, and she said it was too small to operate on, and to continue to watch my blood pressure.....


I was feeling kinda lucky, so I asked her if I could go back
to rehab....She said Yes, that following Monday....so I was 
feeling even more lucky and asked her if since I could work 
my heart rate up in rehab, could I become sexual again....?

She said yes ! As long as i didn't overdo it....she said it was 
part of a healthy lifestyle, and I pressed her again asking...
...."even with the aneurysm?" She said yes! I was really 
happy that I could resume being sexual again! 


I was worried that I might not be able to since I had to 
watch my blood pressure...I was really happy, it felt like a 
burden was lifted off of me, and I had a new "sprite" in my 
step! 


After 6 months of being at home thinking or fearing the 
worst, not really going anywhere, visiting or even driving to 
the corner store, I was starting to see some light at the end 
of the tunnel...


I remembered the TV show "Breakthrough" from Tony Robbins.
The first show was about a couple on their wedding day, and 
how they were at their reception at night, and some were
swimming in the pool just outside, including the wife...

The husband decided to join them and jump in, and he hit his 
head in too shallow an area in the pool, damaged his vertebrae, 
and was instantly to be paralyzed....a full quadriplegic, from the 
first day of his marriage to his last day on earth, he was to be
completely dependent for everything from his new wife.....
without any hope in sight of repair!

Talk about devastating! Talk about a reason to despair! 


They accepted life as staying indoors and going through the same 
rituals of getting up, being dressed, taking meds, and not doing 
anything that any young newly married couple would want to do.
The wife was living a life as a caretaker, not dong anything for herself, 
and simply lifting the burden of the obligation that Love put on her 
from day 1!


When they went to see Tony on the island of Fiji, he told them that 

their desire to see this thing through was going to require commitment
on their part, and were they committed? Though they were nervous
about what was coming, they committed...Then Tony told them that 
he had arranged for him to go up in a plane with trained personnel, 
and that he was going to jump out of the plane strapped to another 
person, and they were going to "skydive" that very next day!


Talk about blowing false perceptions out of the water! 


The following day they did just that...the wife was taken to a resort spa, 
where she was pampered and played golf, and did for herself, while her 
husband was catapulted from a small plane to land on the earth one 
changed man!


To think that life had no more opportunities for him was no longer 
a way of thinking, it just had to be done from another vantage point....
all the time he spent wallowing in the dead end perception of life was 
slowly killing him emotionally, and spiritually, and tearing down their 
marriage before too long...and now he had no excuse! 


Now what was possible was what was in his mind!


Next Tony had him join a basketball team in wheelchairs, and meet 
others who had learned to see beyond their expectations, and he 
began training to ready for the Championship Game!


On game day, not only did he play, but Tony had his wife and 
relatives and friends come and watch him play, because they too 
had to see him in a totally new light, and they were amazed to 
say the least! There was their paralyzed son and friend playing 
along with the others and meeting new challenges "head on" !


I highly recommend you go see this heartwarming and miraculous
story if its still available at HULU


Just search for Tony Robbins show called "Breakthrough", the first 
episode. 


As for me, getting back into playing music was an amazing step
forward from thinking that I would never play again.....The trembling 
hands I had were so strong that I could hardly use a spoon to eat
and get food to my mouth....and now I was jammin' in the band I 
enjoy so much, and using the computer at home among other things


I couldn't get over how I had to learn to play the guitar or bass 
as though I hadn't played in years, or type at the keyboard, and my 
bass seemed like it had doubled in weight, but it wasn't too long and 
I was playing all the old tunes again....What a thrill to make live music
with others ! I still can't carry my amp down the stairs and get it into 
my car, but i just have one of the band members come and help me...


When There's A Will, There's A Way!      Querer Es Poder!


I'm still struggling learning to make it through every layer of challenges
that life has put in front of me...but who am I to feel really badly for myself?
I know that there are many others who have it a lot harder than I do, 
and that the only limitations I have are in my mind only ! 


Thanks so much for reading this far...I really hope that you will share
your insight and stories as well in the Comments area below, or email me
at  stav7256@gmail.com



Smilinsteve   Wed, Nov 24

So I Woke Up In The ICU......

 

There I am....faux painting in a stair well in a house near Boston, 

using ladders, and daubing the wall with multiple layers of color

to make a beautiful finish....I'd been painting for 35.5 years, 

since Sept. 19, 1976 actually, starting in Skowhegan Maine.

At the time of my first attack, I was staining a house by hand
in vertical drops with a 32' ladder for a month...Good thing I wasn't
on the ladder when it happened, 'cause thats where I was headed !
I also have been playing bass & guitar since around '71, in   various             garage bands in and around Natick MA where I grew up. 

Music was and is my life, and most of my thought life in the hospital was 
imagining playing music in the current band I am in called Nexus, 
after the lyrics in a Jackson Browne tune...We play what I call 
"White Classic Rock"....I'd been in Blues bands, Zydeco Bands, 
you know, I date myself among the younger players who play 
Alternative and Punk, but I still love it, and cant imagine life without it!

Thats me in "Heaven", realizing one of my Dreams...to actually be playing with the Blues 
band I was in called the Wildcats, warming up for Johnny 
Winter! I had idolized Johnny's playing, and for 2.5 years I 
played his stuff quite a bit, loving every minute of it, never 
realizing that one  day I'd actually be on the same venue 
with him ! We played at  The Stadium Theater in Woonsocket
Rhode Island, next to the legendary Chans Restaurant, 
which also had many great Blues artists jam there. We 
played there as well....

So you see, Dreams Do Come True, 
sometimes by chance, sometimes by dint of hard labor and 
pushing with all your might and all you have to do is "Be There".  


Keep pursuing what you Love, and were born for, and good things can and do come !

So...

My surgeon told me that my operation took 14 hours, that my aorta had "split" in multiple 
45% angles, and that he had to close each and every one of them, taking my heart out, 
putting it back in, and looking for leaks, taking it out, and fixing it again...he replaced my Aortic
Arch with some kind of ribbed plastic pipe, and connected my Descending Aorta to it....
he also repaired my Mitral Valve Prolapse while they were in there,a major operation in and of itself!

Amazing what they can do these days in medicine, ain't it?  He saved my life. I was told 
that they even had to use the paddles on me at one point, and that altogether I was in the 
top 5% of people who live with what happened to me...

Apparently they put me in a coma, and I woke up 2 weeks or so later in the ICU with pipes
going down my throat, and my first memories was using a pen and paper to communicate
with the nurses and my Brother Nick, My Girlfriend Belinda, and My friend Lisa...who had 
traveled an hour each way from where we lived to keep me company and wait for me to
come around! The Love they showed me was uplifting and comforting, and I am eternally 
grateful for it....It's good to have people who care in ones' life, and the healing power of it
cannot be measured, but only appreciated with Thanks.

I also realized I had various complications that I woke up to, including strong hand tremors
from a lack of oxygen to the brain....I couldn't get a spoon of soup up to my mouth when 
they finally took the pipes out of my throat....this was one of the darkest moments of my life..
wondering if I'd ever be able to play bass and guitar again! My lifes' pleasure, and my painting
that I had taken so much pride in were suddenly gone....and I was looking at a totally 
unknown future....

I also was told that I had pneumonia, and was made to gag my lungs clear on a daily basis...
multiple times a day...and given an "Incentive Sirometer" I had to suck air through to make sure
my lungs were clearing to the bottom....That completely "sucked"....in more ways than one!
To add insult to injury, I was the told I had a super parasite in my blood from the surgical 
field called "Serratia", and that I had to stay in the hospital for 30 more days to receive
transfusions twice a day of an antibiotic called Vancomycin (sp) to make sure it was dead!
Altogether I was in the hospital for 47 days that first time, and since I hadn't moved around 
too much, or eaten very much, I'd lost over 45 lbs! Then, they discovered Thrombosis (clots) in
both my calves, and they put me on a course of Heparin, and told me I would have to get 
the INR of my blood measured by a visiting nurse at my home and that I had to take Cumadin 
for 3 to 6 weeks.....

To say the least I was depressed, even though I didn't complain about my stay in the hospital. 
I was told that I was a good patient, and that made me feel better...but my life was so completely
interrupted that considering a life as an invalid was so awful and scary to me....I cried at the drop 
of a hat.....patients came and went in my room in the bed next to me, and I was in for the long haul.

I learned to walk with a walker up and down the hall...and finally without a walker, and then 
up and down a flight of stairs.....nevermind a ladder! They told me to figure on a year or more
of reconditioning at home....

Gosh! Would I ever play music again???? Would I ever be able to paint, or even earn a living at all?
Would I have to get a lawyer and fight the system to get SSI for the rest of my life?
Would I ever be able to do anything without totally losing my breathe? Would the pain subside to 
the point that I didn't need those dizzying pain pills? Would I ever have any fun with friends like 
I used to? So many questions.....So much time to think of 'em....

The story gets even worse before it gets better.....but this blog is about facing lifes challenges, 
seeing things that I never saw before....and realizing the amazing Power of Love through it all...
Please stay with me , and share your comments, lets get through this together ! 


Love, Smilinsteve 


P.S. I gotta live up to my "nickname", don't I?